myself, i think it's time i and me and a talk  

1niceTgirl2try 34T
217 posts
2/19/2006 10:24 pm

Last Read:
10/7/2007 7:15 pm

myself, i think it's time i and me and a talk

ya know, over a hundred grand in time and money... that's how much ive invested into my music career... when i add up the amount of time i spent unemployed by choice the cost of the drugs it took to work hundred hour work weeks, then consider clothing/costuming, equipment, and other actual tax deductable shit.... over a hundred grand i have invested...

and now i look at what i have to show for it... some cd's that i possibly could sell to unsuspecting fools for like 5 bucks a peice. burned on my home computer...

a couple hundred origional compositions, remixes, and arrangements, which tend to only stab me with depressed thoughts of what ive been through...

and a bunch of equipment that i am lightly intrested in and can only seem to get use out of when i get a hair up my ass to make a new track....

at least i could sell the equipment on ebay if i really wanted to, for like a quarter of what i paid of corse

yet there comes a time in a young dreamers life, when perhaps it's time to consider that the investment will most likely never pay off, no matter how dramatic. leaving said dreamer with nothin left to do but to walk away with incredible life experiance an intamate knowledge of music that destroys the ability to enjoy most commercial composition yet makes random noise enjoyable... as well as one hell of an excentric and overly skilled hobbie that i can brag about and impress friends with for the rest of my life... and the ache-ing lonelyness of true failure that only an absolute artist could ever know. (possibly making other art forms alot easier to aproach)

also there comes a point in a young investor's career where she must let go of sentiment sell her shares to the open market or just put em inna scrap book but halt future funding for the project accept losses and learn from her business choices now before it gets to the very most desperate situation. even though it is already critical to do something and action earlier could have been the difference of living comfortably carefree and struggling to maintain current lifestyles...

so here is the thought... if when the pilots first attempted to break the sound barrior they didnt suceed until they made one modification but more importantly one pilot accelorated instead of pulling back, and boom, faster then sound it'self... if they decided to put a halt to the project when people started dieing would it have been worth it to save the lives of those pilots who never died since they suceeded?

i mean if they stoped, directly before that one flight... would it be worth that risk? or should i acellerate until i am homeless on the streets again and forced to live as a man, with no way to take care of my homebound mother

truth is... all this risk and obcession i put into my career with music, is simply a way for me to feel alive even though i am not in love....

the only real happy ending would be... yeah right, fuck the world... sometimes i think it would be easier if i didnt have the views and opinions of suicide that i do....

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/20/2006 11:11 am

you should never give up on what keeps you feeling alive. it might not bring you million-dollar success, but there must be a way of using it to generate an income ... even if you have to do something else for money right now, never give up on creativity and self-expression ... otherwise, yeah, u may as well be one of the living dead (i'm sure, like me, u r surrounded by them)...

[blog freelove999]

1niceTgirl2try 34T
167 posts
2/20/2006 11:47 pm

ha ha ha no doubt, and i have to hear their immature music too ** giggles ** gosh... how many times can you revive alternative rock before you realize the power-trio punk band can only do so much ** dies ** anyway yeah, i prolly will just need to take a break from the idea that art and living mix basicly... not that i expect to be famous, that was never what i demanded... all i wanted was some underpaid dj job that was just enough to pay my rent, or some pathetic abused 4 nights a week gig at some casino playing cover songs with some middle-aged burned out band that paid enough that all i had to do was work some part time job stuffing envelopes... i never asked for the world i just wanted a place to stay, and this world denied me even the option to comprimize or however the fuck you spell that horrible unacheiveable word ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

thankyou for always being so positive... i just want you to know i really do apriciate it free... i guess it does help sometimes to see people in this world who actualy know what the earth feels like (or whatever alternative way that couled be put into words ha ha ha)

rm_jackie40503 69T
1323 posts
2/22/2006 5:16 pm

Don’t know if I should be saying anything since I’m the one who gave up everything she loved. Photography, music (ya I was a band member), scuba diving, men and Jackie....... Now 30 some years later, at least Jackie’s back. So the best I can do is say is what I feel, it really is the pits when you give up something you love, and you always wonder what if....... So if you can find a way even if it means just doing it part time, don’t let the dream die....


1niceTgirl2try 34T
167 posts
2/23/2006 3:14 pm

who knows... i might have away around all them prollems through creative marketing!

ill be sure to let everyone know my ideas once ive got everything sorted

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