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19 People I Hate
19 People I Hate
This is a continuation list from "Confessions of a Sexual Mind", definitely worth reading. Here is my list:
1) the EXTREMELY overweight fat bitch that was walking downtown with 5 kids tied to her ankles yesterday. Obviously, someone is fucking her. What’s that all about? Is she getting more sex than me?
2) the Taco Bell drive through attendant that doubles as an airline landing guide. Get the order right, the amount right, take my money and give me my change and my food. This isn’t rocket science.
3) guys on AdultFriendFinder that email me and say “I wanna fuck you and I’m for real” or “I wanna bust a nut in your pie hole.” With over 300 emails in my inbox, you had best attach a photo and give me more than one line that’s so lame. Do you really understand your competition? Is that all you got? I can just imagine what you’re like in bed and since no one can fuck 24/7, you better have something more to say, not that you’d ever get that chance.
4) anyone with a mullet and attends monster truck ralleys. nuf said.
5) men with Skoal ring marks in their back pockets, usually Wrangler jeans with LARGE belt buckles. It’s a thang in Colorado. Can’t stand it.
6) Men in tighty-whities. Please switch to boxer briefs and decline the one’s your mom still buys you. You might want to also move out of the parent’s house too.
7) anyone who still plays cassette tapes. Lord knows you probably have some 8-tracks lying around somewhere too and go rockin’ with Dokken. Spare me, please.
anyone who doesn’t have a library card or a credit rating over 5. Get a life and show some intellect, interest and responsibility.
9) anyone who quotes from “Beavis and Butthead” or “Southpark.” Once again, rocket science isn’t required but blatant ignorance is unacceptable.
10) men with butts smaller than mine. Fuck you, ick, and move on. By the way, I’m a size 5.
11) anyone with plastic furniture, crates, spools are not accepted. If your TV is worth more than your other furniture, you’re out.
12) Artwork must NOT contain apes or velvet dogs playing cards.
13) Only one dorky friend is allowed. It should not be a way of life.
14) No blankets, towels or any bedding will be used for window treatments.
15) No T-shirts containing “Viagra is for Pussys” or anything referring to chickens.
16) No water beds w/etched mirrors and lit headboards.
17) Anyone who can juggle chain saws or anything is out.
1 Anyone who chews gum during sex is out the window. My best friend woke up one morning with Juicy Fruit stuck to her labia.
19) If you own that painting/picture of the southwestern American Indian woman with the wind blowing through her hair, get rid of it. You know the one. It’s next to your dream catcher or your mandella.
OK, there, I said it. I’m done.
4/11/2006 3:08 pm
I smiled in agreement all the way through your list.|
4/12/2006 8:13 pm
Hey!!! What's wrong with the waterbed??? |
Ok... so I don't have it anymore! But the memories are still good!
4/14/2006 9:15 pm
I could fall into the following:|
8 ) - Library's tend to have outdated content, if I need info fast, I use the net, if I need some serious info, I go to the bookstore where the most recent and up to date information can be found, and I either a ) read as much of it as I can before I run out of time, or b ) buy it and read it at my leisure.
As far as my C.R. is concerned, I have yet to actually inquire on the number, but I know it's good, because I am very responsible with my credit cards.
9 ) - I was in JR. High when I saw them on Liquid TV, and though I almost never quote them in public, they are still permanently instilled into my brain, and especially when I'm by myself, dealing with traffic, or a crashing computer, or something, they come out.
10 ) - I am 6' tall and the most I've ever weighed is 143 lbs, and that was when I was lifting weights 4 times a week, now all I do is push ups. But no matter what I do, my butt will always be smaller than a chic's, unless she's a toothpick too, but I know I don't want a girl who's as toothpicky as I am, I like big butts.
11 ) - What can I say? I'd rather spend my money on music equipment, or getting my comic books printed.
13 ) - This is Austin, baby. All artists and musicians are dorks at heart.
17 ) - I can juggle oranges, tennis balls, and anything else with a spherical shape.
And that's about it for me.
But I must say I can't believe that shit with the gum, oh my god that must have sucked. I'm so sorry V had to go through that.
4/18/2006 8:28 pm
I think that Dave Berry and you should get together. No, seriously, I really enjoyed the prose. I think you have a talent.|
4/18/2006 10:47 pm
damn, see my block with my rules, thanks for the encouragement|
4/21/2006 5:12 pm
hey jb couple - thanks for adding to the list! Loved it.|
Phoenix - glad you're enjoying the blogs. Thanks for visiting.
69springsguy - Oh, I remember the days . . . back in the day of etched mirrored waterbeds. I have my memories too, not bad either.
"e" - my man! and a juggler too? Grow a butt but don't stop liking those biggins' BUTT for some reason, I bet you'd like mine too.
assnhand - a sincere thank you!
Giosisoni - I just commented on your blog. I never knew . . .
8/2/2006 1:14 am
Good list, I agree with all on there...Cool Blog also!!|