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 | Blogs > CB_2 > I admit, I like to be spanked > Stalking and Openness |
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This is a fairly half-formed post, so it might not come out. But it's always a good idea to get those thoughts in the pensieve while you can... I mentioned that someone had recently tried to stir up trouble about my real life and my Adult FriendFinder life, and in fact had lied about what I do in real life (but close enough to what I genuinely do for me to know it wasn't a guess; they even mentioned the name of my business). A number of Adult FriendFinder have got quite alarmed about this and started warning me about privacy etc. These are my thoughts on the matter. Firstly, I don't give a fuck about who the person is. They are just trash who obviously have their own mental issues to deal with. Am I scared of them? Hell, no! For one thing, they didn't actually say anything threatening. They just made it clear they knew of both my real life and my Adult FriendFinder life. And that seems to scare a lot of people. It doesn't scare me because all my real life friends know I'm on Adult FriendFinder, and many of my Adult FriendFinder friends know my first name at least; many of them know what I do for a living. Being blessed (or cursed!) with not only an unusual first name, an unusual surname and also an unusual choice of vocation, it takes very little to Google me. As one of my Adult FriendFinder friends did, just to prove she didn't even need my surname to find me. So what? The thing is, yes, if you are a teacher called Sue Smith in the USA, you are pretty hard to find. Because there are loads of teachers, loads of Sues and loads of Smiths. There's only one of me, and I got used to being recognised (from my name/job) a long long time ago. Anyone could put this together and try to harass me in some way. The answer is not to try to make yourself invisible. For one thing, that shows them they have some power over you, which might act as an encouragement. For another, unless you're prepared to go off grid and be self sufficient, it is pretty impossible to do these days. I'm not prepared to go down the route of changing my name for email purposes etc, like a number of guys I have met have done. I am me. Deal with it. Stalking is very easy to do. I know, because I've done it myself - got obsessive about someone, googled them, their family, followed up trails. In one case, I paid an investigator the grand sum of £20 to find an old boyfriend of mine. In another, a different old boyfriend of mine found me very easily by asking someone else what industry I was in. Google is a very powerful tool. But the point is that most "stalkers" (or information gatherers) have no evil intent. They may want to make contact, they may not. But why assume they mean you harm? This is the same reason I get angry when my children are taught about Stranger Danger without being taught to assess situations for themselves: why should they be imprisoned by a fear of nameless strangers when the vast majority are well meaning towards them? I too refuse to feel threatened just because one single person made a comment that could be threatening if interpreted one way. For all I know, it could be one of my mates got drunk and thought it would be a laugh (as it happens, I know it isn't, but that's not the point). I refuse to overreact. I refuse to go off grid and try to erase all traces of me on the internet. I refuse to play the game of fear. Instead, I'll enjoy my life, enjoy the interaction with my blogging friends and - if need be - enjoy getting a restraining order from the police against any loonies, if they really exist. Do you hide your identity on the internet? How? And, if you have a loony following you (this is for Arti to answer!), what have you done about it? Blogito ergo sum. |
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 8/3/2008 7:20 am |
"Fear nothing but, fear itself!" who said that .... Kudos 
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 8/3/2008 8:17 am |
 Idolove you for your mind! It works so much like mine{=} Too many people are ruled by the fear in their lives, leaving them lost and alone. What a sad way to live!     Take off your clothes and visit me in the Red Room. All friends are welcome
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8/3/2008 8:27 am |
My initial thoughts in this case were "how very rude", then "I wonder who...?" and then I laughed (sorry)! If it happened to me, I can't honesty say how I would react - but being scared wouldn't be one of them. I might wonder who I could have offended though. As for hiding my id, I can't be bothered. If someone wants to find me that bad then they will. Plus I think the only true way to hide yourself online is to mask your IP address etc!   
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8/3/2008 9:42 am |
indeed, yet his wife wrote it and as for his successor well lets just say his personal investments in americas war machine are yeilding rewards that perhaps exceed a presidential salary. your mind is vast and not wasted, forgive me if i offended you with the guns awhile back
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8/3/2008 9:57 am |
I have become very cautious with wot I tell people or give out on this Site~until I get to know them  IF people want to find u then they will  1 ~ 1 guy in chat a few years ago kept asking name of Pub I managed~I never give that out BUT I stupidly gave a clue which he picked up on  All he did tho was send me 12 Roses on Valentines Day  Addressed to Ms P Power  my handle @ the time was PussyPower 2 ~ Some 1 & to this day I dont know who~made a fake profile of me~copied & pasted my whole profile BUT added abit to it~lifted my pics also. Then they went on to mail guys & invited them to the Pub I managed~this they also found out Also made was a Group that was held in my Pub every Wed~Swingers BUT then 1 Fri nite a guy that had been mailed came to the pub~I didnt know him from Adam  Luckily he was ok about it BUT I cud of been approached by some fucking nutter. Its amazing wot people can find out about u on here~things that u wont be aware of . I had a pic on my Msn profile~was me in the Pub & rite in the background was the name of the Pub. I have also changed my Surname on that profile to my maiden name I am more cautious now after all this happening. Some sad individuals around on here that have nothing better to do     
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8/3/2008 11:35 am |
 CB.I try to keep my private life just that - private. Unless I let some in on the know.  I have googled my name, my son's, other family, and friends. Just out of curiousity. Even in far-away sites as Australia and New Zealand, using their pages only, a fair bit of info. Mind you, my name is fairly common, even the others' I checked. Still ... By all means feel free to drop into my blog. I'll brew up. To quote Bill Cosby, I'm so smart, I'm smarter than me!       
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8/3/2008 11:52 am |
How sad thatyou have had this happen. I can't imagine what I would do under the same circumstances. What drives someone to be so cruel? Keep your chin up and keep on being who you are.As you have said you have a lot of friends on this site and we are all rooting for you. regards and hugs BJ
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8/3/2008 1:08 pm |
Do you hide your identity on the internet? In some instances no. In others somewhat. How? Don't connect things between your anonymous social life and your real life. Don't move people over to know who you really are until you have a handle on who they are. AND what has gone on in their life prior to you. Keys to knowing who people are are how they interact with others. Realize in a "text" only world, you only have a typed word to go by. And in non real time text, it could even be plagerized. Here you cant see how someone is dressed, if they have appropriate mannerisms, if they make eye contact. And its more difficult to verify that their whole story fits. Many people here are "hiding" things. Most of those things are of no significance and its not a big deal. And, if you have a loony following you (this is for Arti to answer!), what have you done about it? Depends on what is happening and what is the intention. I had one person try to extort money from me once. His intention was to tell the company I was consulting for. Since I had shared the website with him so he could download some free games for HIS KIDS. I told him to go ahead, and I told the company president/ owner, who told him off when he did contact him. What he didnt count on was that person was my friend, and ALSO had an account here. I should have taken it to the FBI. At the time I didnt have the bandwidth. The reality of it is. You need to know what the intention is and decide what you want to do about it. Most people will leave you alone if you do not engage. But not all, some are fixated. If I thought someone was pushing into my personal life, or identifying me for others on the internet I would talk to the police. I would certainly report it to the website here. If someone is just working on social humiliation. Well... reality plays better then slander. Most smart people can figure it out. For those to dumb "no soup for them". I am going to send you a private email about all this. Incidentally, most of my friends know I am here. Some in my family do as well. I work in interactive entertainment, and I am an adult. - Arti -  rtimus Bard of Norcal
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8/3/2008 1:12 pm |
I personally think the question you are asking Arti could've been handled best in a private email. Not every one handles stalking issues as open as you do. There are real victims out there{/u], in fact in the past I've helped two local Philadelphia women to file legal protection against members of our "friendly" site. That is a fact. BLOGBreast Cancer Awareness Month Life Is Too Short Play Naked
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8/3/2008 3:51 pm |
Yes and no. There are a lot of other men with my name on the Internet. I just did a search and the only reference that was me is on classmates. I suspect another one will show up in time that is for a professional organization but there are already people with the same name there. I am basically a private person and I don't have much of anything to conceal. Mainly I want to avoid sales people and spammers. With identity theft becoming more common it is just as well to keep a low profile.    The perversity of the universe is unbounded.
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8/3/2008 4:50 pm |
I Am what I am...and thats all that I am...Just read my Blog...The Simple thoughts From My Mind Durring My Travels... ...And Yes...I might Say Just a wee Bit too Much... But I really have Nothing too Hide... Earl Only My World As I See It         
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8/3/2008 6:35 pm |
CB, I'm scared to death that this might happen. My personal life is none of anyone's business, and I really enjoy hanging out with you all here. But... I cover my identity all over the place. Here, on the regular net, everywhere. It doens't help. I haven't had anyone trace me to here, but the possibility scares me. And I have found that various public trace programs (not the kind you pay for, the FREE kind) can tell you all about me, in all my worlds except this one. I pray it stays that way! And I pray that your stalker gets his (or her) ass handed to him on a platter... LucyTart
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8/3/2008 6:52 pm |
I am relatively discreet about my real identity, both here and on my m*space profile. I have a fairly 'straight' job, and although it's not like I could be fired for being here, any gossip would be extremely awkward and uncomfortable. I have become a lot more cautious about giving any details about myself in the chat room, after a guy wrote an 'erotic' story about me and posted it in the magazine here (he mentioned things like the specific suburb where I live and that I ride 'an expensive carbon fiber bike'). I'm guessing his intent was just to make sure I realized he was writing about ME, but it felt like he was trying to out me. I didn't like that. (he was later ostracized in the chat room when my friends there found out what he did) Recently I had someone write me and tell me that he thought he knew who I was, based on the mention of bicycling in my profile and seeing my smile in a picture that showed the lower half of my face. I haven't removed that picture, but I did move it down in the deck so that it isn't immediately visible - someone would have to be scrolling through my pics to find it. By the way, the guy who wrote me never revealed who HE was, and deleted his profile a few days later - a bit creepy.
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8/3/2008 10:01 pm |
I tend to be fairly open in my interaction here altough I don't give out my surname, the names of my kids or even the exact town I live in. I used to have a full face pic displayed but I found it being used on another website of which I didn't belong to. I am not too worried about who knows I am here, my friends know I am on an internet dating site. As you said though if someone wanted to trace me on the net I am sure they could. A little caution can be a good thing. Linda xxx Do you..Dare To Share? My new blog... Trying To Stay Strong
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8/4/2008 2:44 am |
I suppose changing your handle all the time stops people from following you around? So far I'm aware of Pussy Power, LibraLizzy, Lizzles1245 and MotownMinx Well in 6 years I have near on 35 handles including the above
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8/4/2008 5:11 am |
I suppose changing your handle all the time stops people from following you around? So far I'm aware of Pussy Power, LibraLizzy, Lizzles1245 and MotownMinx Well in 6 years I have near on 35 handles including the above *faint*  You, my friend, have Multiple Profiler Disorder, or Sequential Profiler Disorder, or Just Plain Fucked-up And Fucked-Off With Profiles From The Disorder Of Others Who Get You Pitched Out Of Here Disorder. I should look this up on the DSM IV. It is soooo nonspecific in mental doings. By all means feel free to drop into my blog. I'll brew up. To quote Bill Cosby, I'm so smart, I'm smarter than me!
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8/4/2008 8:19 am |
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8/4/2008 8:25 am |
well, i don't flaunt my name on my blog, but other than that, anyone in the cape town lefty scene would recognise me and many of my colleagues also know about my 'naughty' blog here. i really don't care. i am lucky to have not been stalked. you could possibly find me from figuring out my line of work and follow that trail ... but it would not lead to my phone number or address. in my early days here i did remove an article that was published in an international journal because it linked me to my real name. still, like you, i am not overly concerned.   REVOLTING
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8/4/2008 11:30 am |
Every one who knows me, knows I am on a.f.f. Even my Bosses Now thanks to a member of this "Friendly" site! It was my own Stupidity that I TRUSTED everyone who was in my Friends Network and was not thinking when I posted a copy of my Wedding Invitations in my Private Album. Hell I was proud of them, I made them myself and wanted to share them with my Friends. I didn't even think about the fact my Full name was on them. My Boss doesn't care what activities I do in my off time. And actually he is on this site as well. So all the caller did was Introduce me to another a.f.f. member He did ask James And I why we are still on here if we are getting married It was just the fact that it is MY Private Life being Invaded! Now I have to deal with a member who has actually been to my house, whom I had a falling out with who is now giving out my personal information to others that I do not care for. Like whats in my Home and what I have on my computer. Nothing Major, just MY privacy! I did have to get the Local Police involved at one point when a Physical Threat was left for me on another site, as well as threatening to Hack my Computer. The person who did it was contacted by the police and totally denied even knowing me! With all that has been done, or is being done, I still am not going to HIDE. I welcome Any of them out searching for information about me, go for it, come on over....... I would LOVE to have a Sit Down with em'
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8/4/2008 2:44 pm |
well, errr bacatcha ...
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8/5/2008 4:19 pm |
I confess to being a *titch* paranoid about the intersection of my 'real' life and this one - less because of someone 'outing' me (though that could be awkward - but I don't work, and have no children, really, hardly a life and little to lose...  ) than because of the number of random loonies out there and the false intimacy the internet can create. I've spent too much time in the company of the functionally insane and seen the damage they can create. I could tell you stories.So, I change my location, my birthdate, and a few random details on here, and I never show my face - random local folks shouldn't be able to recognize me at the market. Now, if you've been to my house and are tuned in to MagnaFree, yah, it's pretty obvious - but if I trust you in my home, I don't really care that much if you see me. It'd be a bit weird, I guess, but not horrible (exceptions made for close relatives and one other - those would be nasty). So far (knock on wood) not had any loonies I met on the net make my life uncomfy - as I said, I tend to be chary with personal info. If they did, I would proceed to use all the powers at my disposal (both legal and otherwise) to ensure that they regretted it. (Think Roman Dirge's Lenore and her erstwhile and repeatedly killed suitor Mr. Gosh) ...then I'd have a small breakdown...
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