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 | Blogs > spunky11961 > Ammonia Avenue > CLAP OFF YA FAT BASTARD... |
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spunky11961
6/5/2008 2:33 am |
Off all the things the Chinese have given us in the past, gunpowder, fireworks, rockets and other bright sparklie things of mass destruction, what have they given us lately besides lead painted toys, contaminated pet food you ask... In the '70s it was the Clapper, an ingenious device for todays lazy society, don't wanna get out of bed to turn off that light? the lamp on the nightstand's a far reach? Just clap those hands, Clap on, clap off the clapper....but wait there's more, as seen on tv... In a burst of capitalistic genius and an underlying agenda to rule the world,the envy of even the Dali Lama, They've now come out with the Clapper II, with remote control.. The true epitome of Oxymoron... One handed midgets that're too short to reach the light switch, unable to clap ever since losing that hand in a freak circus accident with the sword swallower's wife will be buying these up in droves... along with the new and improved left handed Ginsu knives... So act quick and you can be the first on your block, the house with the lights on all night because you can't find the fuckin' remote... ~spunky |
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 7/4/2008 9:35 pm |
lovegoddess777 lovegoddess777 lovegoddess777 [post 1612403] *~*~* Our Stormy Soiree *~*~* *~*~* In Your Arms Tonight! *~*~* *~*~* Kama Sutra Seduction *~*~*
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6/24/2008 7:44 pm |
Is the oxymoron related in any degree to the psychotic alien? 
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6/24/2008 7:30 pm |
Is the oxymoron related in any obvious ways to the psychotic dummy?
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6/22/2008 10:53 am |
My cordless has this function where if I can't find it I can go to the base and hit the 'find' button. Then my cordless will endlessly beeps until I do actually locate it and shut the fucker up. I want that for my remote. But I digress. I have two. One for the living room, and one for the bedroom. I can see the tv from both. I have my bed positioned just right for the task. It sucks though, if I rearrange my living room, I have to rearrange the bedroom as well. But I'm not lazy... no way!   uh uh!      When you change the way you look at things, things you look at will change..
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6/20/2008 1:05 pm |
They need to develop a clapper for the volume control on the TV. A commercial comes on blaring, clap clap, problem solved. Commercials over, time to watch the show again, clap, clap, back in business, and no worse for the wear. Now if you make a million dollars off of this, you're going to remember me right?
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6/16/2008 3:49 pm |
If those clappers ever come back on the market have some fun and put it in your kids bed room , it should be a dead give a way as to when they are playing at making babies. it told the whole neighborhood when i was playing at it. 
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6/14/2008 9:11 am |
*Clap* nope didn't work
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6/8/2008 11:42 pm |
They need to develop a clapper for the volume control on the TV. A commercial comes on blaring, clap clap, problem solved. Commercials over, time to watch the show again, clap, clap, back in business, and no worse for the wear. Now if you make a million dollars off of this, you're going to remember me right? I Swami Johnny see's all, knows all, tells very little.
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6/8/2008 10:29 pm |
stopping by say whats up old dude,lol.
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6/8/2008 4:11 pm |
I just slap his bare ass.... "Graze on my lips & if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie." ~William Shakespeare~
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 6/8/2008 9:40 am |
My latest thought here. How about the Clapper Remote Locator. Here we go. Clap your hands, the lights go on, the remote emits a dangerously high-level screech and all of the appliances start to operate all over the neighborhood. Who could miss?
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6/8/2008 7:24 am |
We're all just jealous because we didn't think of it first and are now residing on some tropical island thanks to the proceeds.
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6/8/2008 7:21 am |
they are comin out soon with the whistler 2 just whistle when ya lose your remote if it doesn't track where your remote is well at least it keeps ya in practice of puttin your lips together and blowin sweethot  HATERS! Keep my name out your mouth! Mind yo business instead of talkin shit about me or a relationship ya know ZIP about.. . . Ya ain't psychic but psycho! Get some meds!
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6/7/2008 9:19 pm |
China is too cool. And a good halfbreed like you should surely appreciate this. My cousin on the indian side of things once bought a "genuine" braided horsetail belt at one of those roadside indian curio shops you see between Amarillo TX and Flagstaff AZ. He bought it and once he got home he found somewhere on the belt which said MADE IN CHINA
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6/7/2008 5:37 pm |
oh yeah, free points
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6/7/2008 4:30 pm |
i've never known a soul that have used those things. true epitomy of laziness. i could see it if someone is handicapped, but thats it.    
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6/7/2008 4:24 pm |
Its all a conspiracy my friend!! 
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6/7/2008 1:10 pm |
*tries desperately to think of something funny to say - and FAILS !* Mistress Innuendo Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!
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6/7/2008 12:35 pm |
 Spunkster.Just imagining that the remote-controlled clapper would actually make a clap-clap sound when one presses the button.  By all means feel free to drop into my blog. I'll brew up. To quote Bill Cosby, I'm so smart, I'm smarter than me!       
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6/7/2008 3:08 am |
I once knew a girl called the clapper... 
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6/6/2008 9:16 pm |
Had the clapper in the bedroom once and it was like major strobe light city..hehe..clap on clap off..
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6/6/2008 8:02 pm |
 lol yup never understood the clapper   []   Seduce my mind and my body
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6/6/2008 4:39 pm |
...Yeah...Just What I need one more Lost remote......To sit in remote heaven...along side the other 20 Remotes that are Missing... Earl  Only My World As I See It        
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6/6/2008 1:57 pm |
Don't believe everything you see on tv, I have a clapper and it doesn't really work
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6/6/2008 1:51 pm |
Morons that buy oxyclean, those are oxymorons
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6/6/2008 11:12 am |
Hey Jeff~~Sounds like another imfomercial to listen to at 3 AM~~~ Be Safe~~Bill I came into this world with nothing, and I have most of it left~~
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6/6/2008 10:19 am |
well having a clapper is better than a dose of the clap Super rant
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6/6/2008 9:31 am |
its prolly painted with lead paint and a skosh of rat pissen lmao..
     
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6/6/2008 8:52 am |
I know of this couple who had all their bedroom lights hook up to clappers. Now this wouldn't be that traumatic if it were not for the fact that the clappers could not discern between a "Clap" and a "Slap" sound(such of which is caused when flesh forcefully meets flesh) Imagine "Doggiestyle Disco Strobe"  there ya go.
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6/6/2008 7:59 am |
Yess I read your comment on Mzhuny's blog! 'The master of the Clapper in the bedroom, made me chuckle... *hugs* MJ xo A Mary heart doeth good like a medicine...
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6/6/2008 6:21 am |
can't imagine what they will think of next.....nothing useful that's for sure.......      may your smile always shine, your joy never cease and your day be full of blessings......
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6/5/2008 10:40 pm |
Dang!!! Living is getting easier every day..Umph! a remote clapper?? What else can make life easier..We already have automatic flushers, automatic hand dryers, automatic tail wipers?????...ROFLMAO !!!
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6/5/2008 10:22 pm |
dumb bunny!!!! Have a good weekend!!!! ~~~Have Condoms, Will Travel~~~  .......Stay Happy, Stay Safe, Stay Well........
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6/5/2008 9:45 pm |
Well I managed so far without getting the clap. Sir Teezalot WAR IS ABSURD
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6/5/2008 8:59 pm |
Did ja ever try one of those clappers ya put on your key ring. ya clap, and the damn thing beeps. UNFORTUNATELY, you have to exactly time the time between claps, and the loudness of the claps or it doesn't work. Fortunately, I got mine as a gift, and it took very little room in my Glad bag. “Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants”
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6/5/2008 7:23 pm |
Babe, it's not what they've given us these days, it's what they r taking from us..... they r buying up US real estate like crazy.... they will own this country before long    Kitty
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6/5/2008 5:25 pm |
Yup... the clapper switch got lots of newlyweds and other vigourous sexually active people truly p-o'd... Not to mention the BDSM people who are having a nice session of spanking, paddling, flogging, whipping or whatever... The slapping of skin on skin or damn near anything else on skin with enough volume to activate the 'sound sensor' of the damn clapper had the lights flashing on & off like the strobe in a disco! The next Saturday the damn thing was either on a yard sale table or already left with the trash that week. LOL, re the finding the remote... when I worked for Sprint-Nextel I'd get loads of calls from people who couldn't find their celphones! They'd lose them down in the sofa, the kids would have knocked them under some peice of furniture or it was buried in dirty laundry. I'd get the number to confirm it was the right phone; tell them to hold one second while I traced it, then call their phone while they were in the house! 90% plus of the time it'd ring & they located it. There was one woman who called from her friends phone, that she'd lost her phone, & couldn't understand how snce she'd had it in the car & been driving cross-country all morning. I put her on hold & called the phone, released hold just in time to hear her friend scream as the phone, set to vibrate gave her a thrill where she was lying on the backseat! We had a goodlaugh... now if I could just find a way to stop the dog from chewing on the remote I'd be making progres. For some reason the mutt likes to chomp on the thing.
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6/5/2008 5:22 pm |
Now you know why I keep my 45 so close, I'll get those lights off......! But whoa.... hold on, not before I get another Miller... Damned ol' sword swallower's is still chasing me.... how'd you find out about that Spunky?
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6/5/2008 3:09 pm |
OMG leave it to the chinese if the lead paint don't get us, they'll make us too lazy to fight...... I'd like to thank you for making me, a part of your day. While you make yourself, a part of mine.
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6/5/2008 1:24 pm |
Well now...can you just imagine...you and your honey are having some earth-shakin', fireworks-bursting, ass-clapping sex on the sofa in the dark with the blinds open and BOOM! ...all the lights come on, that Metallica CD you were playing at level 9 earlier on your Bose starts blasting and the dog's next door go crazy barking...better have a remote! See Spunky? 
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6/5/2008 1:20 pm |
          SMILES & HUGZ  Bonna & Jeff    GUEST BOOK A Stiff One Men are like...... Lord Byron
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6/5/2008 1:03 pm |
About that remote finder thing? I would end up losing that too
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6/5/2008 12:19 pm |
has invented a signal device to locate the missing remotes.  I am guessing they couldn't use the clapper method because the possibility of the lights going off at the same time the device starts beeping. Groping around in the dark to find a beeping remote is just too cruel. You can get devices to control all the electrical outlets and remote control devices via phone or over the internet. Imagine, you can turn on your TV while vacationing in Japan.    The perversity of the universe is unbounded.
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6/5/2008 12:17 pm |
My remote is Whine controlled. I whine and Big Daddy gets up and shuts it off    
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6/5/2008 11:59 am |
Clap ON Clap Off Now where is that remote control
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6/5/2008 11:51 am |
has invented a signal device to locate the missing remotes. Couple that with finding out why one sock out of a pair only emerge from the washing machine and its a definite winner x
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6/5/2008 11:22 am |
LMAO....now I visualize myself trying to remove the hot bulb.... Pull My Fucking Hair 
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6/5/2008 11:13 am |
Hmmmmm Maybe next they'll come up with the Blinker...Blink off, Blink on, turn off the lights with just a blink of the eyes!......LOL! Pixie
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6/5/2008 10:38 am |
Hmmmm... a remote control clapper? How does that work? You click it and somewhere off in the corner a little old man claps his hands for ya?
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6/5/2008 10:15 am |
Hey, funny stuff, sorry about the photo thing. That's been happening to me too.  
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6/5/2008 10:06 am |
Call within the next hour and we'll double your order. That's a savings of almost $120.00. 400th post: I Will Remember You
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6/5/2008 9:53 am |
Let me guess...It's $19.99 "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." Judy Garland   
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6/5/2008 8:05 am |
Psssst. I gots a left handed crescent wrench ta fix it ifn it gets broke. As always Swallow
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6/5/2008 7:30 am |
What will they think of next, talking Chia Pets?
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6/5/2008 7:13 am |
Spunky, DOes this mean you are not sleeping and are instead watching infomercials late at night????   
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6/5/2008 6:30 am |
looks like they won't allow my pic, the fat bastards... the original was the fat bastard from austin powers dressed as a sumo wrestler... As for the clap on thing.. just a scare tactic.. when ever you hear a "claping" noise in our place, it's usually the round of .00 Buck being locked and loaded. Prospector /l\ . Veritas vos Liberabit—Semper Vigilo, Fortis, Paratus, et Fidelis! Prospector /l\
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6/5/2008 6:15 am |
I'm waiting for the self-changing light bulb! 
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6/5/2008 6:03 am |
has invented a signal device to locate the missing remotes.   Follow me!
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6/5/2008 5:47 am |
Does that mean there's a sword swallower's wife with a midgets hand down in her belly? Stay in my belly!! Determine to live life with flair and laughter... 
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6/5/2008 5:26 am |
My question is~~~don't you wish you would of thought about it? I know I do~~~LMAO   
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6/5/2008 4:33 am |
I never cease to be amazed by the new ways we invent to use even more of the earth's precious resources. *Another* thing that will be using power even when it's off? Great, just what we all need.
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6/5/2008 4:30 am |
you are too funny... Moonfire
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6/5/2008 3:30 am |
looks like they won't allow my pic, the fat bastards... the original was the fat bastard from austin powers dressed as a sumo wrestler... 
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6/5/2008 3:28 am |
Heh, I once used a Ginzu knife to cut down a Christmas tree!!! Elevate me...
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6/5/2008 3:10 am |
Great, another remote to lose, or have the dog eat
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6/5/2008 2:57 am |
You never fail to bring a smile Jeff...love that about your place here. Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing...Wayne Dyer    Luck and love to all, Mia
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6/5/2008 2:52 am |
looks like they won't allow my pic, the fat bastards... the original was the fat bastard from austin powers dressed as a sumo wrestler... ~spunky
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