Waxing Lyrical  

0_may_I 51F
578 posts
1/16/2006 5:43 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Waxing Lyrical

WAXING~~~TAKE HEED BOYS AND GIRLS, DON'T DO IT!!!

This story has already appeared as a blog, by Angelofmercy5. I thought I'd post it here, for more too see. It had me roflmao..just read it, why don't you? The Poor Girl !!!

This just proves that wax should be taken off all the shelves LMAO.... I dont know who this happened to but it is funny as hell ! Although I still feel sorry for this poor female.

All hair removal methods have tricked women withtheir promises
of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight.Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would
ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I
should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I
headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hotwax, you just
rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss.How hard can
it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined
enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000
degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my
thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it
wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair
removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward bodyhair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on
the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across
the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina
and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale
deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MYGOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip.
CRAP!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass
out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I
want to revel in the glory that is my triumph overbody hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch. Iam touching wax. I run my fingers over the most
sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax
and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot
is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down. I hear the slamming of a cell
door.

Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to
do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt
the wax?
Hotwater!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest
water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it
off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether region glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the
way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a
few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a
very good conversation starter

"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know
any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the run down and she
suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax
off with arazor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub
in super hotwater and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress
counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the
remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.



Next week I'm going to try hair color......


ANON

Hugs...0_May_I ...........



with many thanks to angelofmercy for originally posting this blog.

P.S. People,just to clarify, the pic is not me,ok?..lol..I wonder how hot she gets, in the Summer, the poor girl..lolo.


rm_ashheman2 53M
5 posts
1/16/2006 6:27 am

you should be one hell of crazy gal
thank god you still have the pussy with you babes


0_may_I 51F

1/16/2006 12:54 pm

A.H.M2..the pic isn't me. It's garnered from another blog. I am a little crazy.If the truth be known, aren't we all.
It helps to get me through the day..

hugs..0_May_I...


0_may_I 51F

1/17/2006 1:42 am

A.H.M.2 The hairy pic is not me !!! LMAO. She has to 'cook', in Summer, I should think.
I'm not much for waxing, who is, apart from masochists, but there are limits and that lot would have to go, I'm afraid. Each to his own and all that.

Hugs & kisses, 0_May_I ?....


0_may_I 51F

1/23/2006 7:46 pm

Hello Vee.thankx for dropping by. i was in the very same predicament..lol..it's so funny..lol..again.

Hugs & kisses 0_May_I ?


hotfitnmodest 42M
14 posts
1/30/2006 5:35 am

re: the pic....
AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!


0_may_I 51F

1/30/2006 8:38 pm

HFNM.......I know, hun...not nice, is it?..lol..I've posted a postscript , on my blog now, if you care to peruse it...lol.

Hugs & kisses 0_May_I ?


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